I am privileged in my role as the TLC Bereavement Counsellor to often hear special stories of how families do many special little things at Christmas, Birthday, Funerals, and other family gatherings which can mean so much just to know that their baby is not forgotten. Also many parents find special ways to include their babies in to day to day life. But sometimes I also hear the other side of things, when people are hurt and saddened by people not acknowledging their babies. So in honour of this, I wanted to share a few ways that I have heard others keep their babies apart of these celebrations and day to day life to encourage you to share with your loved ones ways that they can include you and your babies to help you through these occasion.
Firstly I would like to share with you about "Junior". A lovely family experienced the miscarriage of their baby who they named "Junior" almost 2 years ago.They recently went on to give birth to their son Lachlan who is now 4 months old. Like most little babies, there are many special toys and bears that circulate around the toy box and cot, but none as special as "Junior" bear. The family were given a TLC Ruby bear recently and have named it "Junior" and likes to think their son Lachlan has a special guardian angel looking over them. The "Junior" bear takes pride of place in Lachlan's cot, and their Mum recently told me how special it was to see Lachlan giving his "Junior" bear a big hug as if it might be a sign from her angel.Another special lady shared with me how at each Christmas their family have a tradition of saying a special Grace before the main meal, and acknowledge all of the family members who are no longer with them. The first Christmas after their baby died, they were quite surprised and incredibly honored that when the names of all the Grandparents and others were named, that their precious baby was recognised as well. Christmas was still a difficult time, but this gesture was very powerful.
This last week was my living son's 1st birthday. Our first son Adam, if he had survived would have been turning 2 pretty much within a matter of days after, so it was yet another bitter-sweet moment. There was so much excitement on our young Will, and yet I was a little sad that Adam was not able to be a part of it. I tossed and turned for many weeks trying to come up with a way to have him included somehow, from maybe a small footprint on the invite, or even having a gift from Adam to Will, but nothing I came up with felt right enough to do. I also wasn't sure how others might react to it either and felt a little shy in bringing him up on what was a special celebration. Eventually I decided to make a rainbow cake. Many parents consider the next child born after a death as a rainbow baby as a rainbow is only possible after a storm, so it connects to the idea of our babies being born after a loss. So after doing a trial run the week earlier which was the most emotional cake I have made, I then did the real thing, and it was just perfect. I don't think any one of my family or close friends made the connection, and each time I almost said the meaning behind it I felt the tears welling up, so I decided to keep it to myself, knowing my Adam was apart of our special day.So my encouragement for you this month is in what ever way you want or need to have your children acknowledged and be apart of your life now, consider sharing this with those around you. Sometimes our families just don't know how important it is to have this recognition and so sadly say nothing which may make us feel even more alone. If you have a special way that you and your family keep your special angel babies apart of your family life now, please consider sharing it with us by emailing it to newspaper@teddyloveclub.org.au so we can share your ideas with others.
May you have a special and peaceful month ahead. Robyn McKinnon - TLC Bereavement Counsellor.
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