Returning to work

After your baby has died, the funeral or ceremony has been done, and the influx of family relatives go home, there comes the time when families are faced with the challenge of returning to the ‘normal’ routines of everyday life. For many, it may be a financial necessity to return to work while for others it may be a way of keeping occupied and creating a break from what has been an all-consuming grief. Going to work may be the only part of life that seems normal and routine.

For many, returning to work can be difficult. Some people find that when they return to work they are still in a state of shock and sadness, and they may experience problems with concentration, memory, fatigue and loss of confidence. Sometimes returning to work also means being faced with others who are pregnant or with young children which can be an added reminder of what might have been if things were different. These reactions vary in intensity and not everyone will experience each of them.

Before returning to work, you might like to try some of the following:

· Let your workplace know a little bit about what has happened. Give them as much information as you are comfortable sharing. If you find yourself worried about getting upset in front of your boss, perhaps writing an email first with the details. If people ask too many questions, let them know you are not comfortable going into it right now. Perhaps allow one key person to have enough information to share with your colleagues on your behalf so you don’t feel like you are telling your story multiple times over.

· You might like to arrange to go into the office to meet your co-workers before officially going back to work, getting past the awkward first encounters and all the sympathy messages. It can make it easier to go back to work at a later date. You might also find going back to the office after hours or on the weekend to get yourself organised and prepared helps to not feel so overwhelmed on the first day.

· Consider returning for half-days for a week or so, easing your way back into the normal routine. Perhaps negotiate for the first few days to be on light duties, or time to catch up on emails or paperwork rather than dealing with clients.

· Encourage your co-workers to learn more about grief so they can better understand what you are going through. Let them know what is helpful to you when you are having a particularly hard day: allowing you to have some alone time, making you a cup of coffee, or going for a short walk. The more they know what they can do for you, the more comfortable they will be with your grief and the more comfortable you will be in their presence.

· Keep good communication going. Set up regular meetings with your supervisor, colleagues or employees to talk about what is happening.

· You may need help with certain projects or deadlines. Identify those who you feel able to speak with and ask them for assistance when you need it. Don’t feel you have to manage everything on your own.

· Finally, and probably most importantly, be gentle on yourself. Grief can come in waves and is unpredictable; and each person will grieve at their own pace. There may be a number of appointments or milestones to go through still even after returning to work, and it may take some time before you feel ok about being around other people or getting back in to ‘normal’ life. Even the idea of getting back in to life can be confronting as many worry they may be forgetting, or seen to have moved on from their loss where in fact the heartache of the loss of a baby can continue for some time. Plan to have things to do after work or on the weekend to help you relax and recover from returning to work.

Don’t forget that support from TLC is available to you at all stages of your grief journey. You can contact us on 1800 824 240 or support@teddyloveclub.org.au We hope your transition back to work is as peaceful as possible.

Robyn McKinnon – TLC Bereavement Counsellor